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The pie chart show the changes in the average US diet between 1990and 2005

The pie chart show the changes in the average US diet between 1990and 2005 DwY0m
The pie chart shows how the average us diet changed from 1990 to 2005. In general, protein hold steady in both two different years. While sugar, starches and fat all have fluctuation. It is clear that starches and fat accounts for the highest of percent. In 1990, the percentage of fat made up well over a half. This is followed by that of starches with 20% less. But there were twice as many rate of starches in 2005 as in 1990. Meanwhile, the figure of fat decrease slightly, at 30%. In stark contrast, sugar and protein are less volatile. The period from 1990 to 2005 saw a modest decline. Wheras, the rate of protein still stabilize with a tiny fraction.
The pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how the average us diet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
from 1990 to 2005.

In general
, protein hold steady in both two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years. While sugar, starches and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
all have fluctuation.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that starches and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
accounts for the highest of percent. In 1990, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
made up well over a half. This
is followed
by that of starches with 20% less.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there were twice as
Possible agreement error. The noun rate seems to be countable; consider using: "many rates".
many rate
of starches in 2005 as in 1990. Meanwhile, the figure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
decrease
slightly
, at 30%. In stark contrast, sugar and protein are less volatile. The period from 1990 to 2005
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a modest decline.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Wheras
, the rate of protein
still
stabilize with a tiny fraction.
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IELTS academic The pie chart show the changes in the average US diet between 1990and 2005

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
120 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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