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The pie chart provides information about e-commerce for retail sectors from 2003 to 2013 in New Zealand.

The pie chart provides information about e-commerce for retail sectors from 2003 to 2013 in New Zealand. dALp
The pie chart provides information about e-commerce for retail sectors from 2003 to 2013 in New Zealand. Generally speaking, sectors such as clothes and books experienced massive growth in online sales, however online expenses for travel and entertainment had a downward trend during a decade. Now, turning into the details, demand for online deals on entertainment has increased due to the rise of online platforms by 12% in 2013 compared to 21% in 2003. As well as internet transactions for books had slightly gone up in 10 year period. However, the sale of goods for travel had been affected by an upward trend for the online deals for books and music declining from just over one-third of total sales in 2003 to 29% In 2013. Interestingly the high trend (24% in 2003) for clothes was dropped down by emerging sectors like entertainment and book decreasing to 16% in 2013.
The pie chart provides information about e-commerce for retail sectors from 2003 to 2013 in New Zealand.

Generally
speaking, sectors such as clothes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
experienced massive growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
sales,
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
expenses for travel and entertainment had a downward trend during a decade.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, turning into the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
deals on entertainment has increased due to the rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platforms by 12% in 2013 compared to 21% in 2003.
As well
as internet transactions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
had
slightly
gone up in
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
10 year
period.

However
, the sale of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
for travel had been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by an upward trend for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
deals for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and music declining from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over one-third of total sales in 2003 to 29% In 2013.
Interestingly
the high trend (24% in 2003) for clothes was
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "dropped".
dropped down
by emerging sectors like entertainment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
decreasing to 16% in 2013.
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IELTS academic The pie chart provides information about e-commerce for retail sectors from 2003 to 2013 in New Zealand.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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