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The pie chart illustrates, the intake of electrical supply by various field of industry in the year 2007 and 2010.

The pie chart illustrates, the intake of electrical supply by various field of industry in the year 2007 and 2010. kGOK
The pie chart illustrates, the intake of electrical supply by various field of industry in the year 2007 and 2010. According to the data, it is clearly noted that the consumption of electricity was approximately similar in both the years, apart from manufacturing, aluminiumand other metals. Additionally, the figures for residential followed by commercial were by far the largest. In the year 2007, electricity intake for residential use was marked up to 28%, while 23% was utilized in the offices or any other commercial space. 10% deduction in comparison with the commercial department, the next in the row was manufacturing and aluminumunit which took up to 13% in total. However, various various sectors like other metals, mining, agriculture and transport contributed till 12%, 9%, 1%, 1% respectively. In 2010, the intake of electricity by other metal rose significantly by 6%, in contrast, manufacturing and aluminium experienced a slight fall of 9% and 11% respectively. Moreover, the electricity in all other fields remained unchanged for both the years.
The pie chart illustrates, the intake of electrical supply by various field of industry in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2007 and 2010. According to the data, it is
clearly
noted that the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
was approximately similar in both the years, apart from manufacturing,
Possible spelling mistake found.
aluminiumand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
metals.
Additionally
, the figures for residential followed by commercial were by far the largest.

In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2007,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
intake for residential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
was marked
up to 28%, while 23%
was utilized
in the offices or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
commercial space. 10% deduction
in comparison
with the commercial department, the
next
in the row was manufacturing and
Possible spelling mistake found.
aluminumunit
which took up to 13% in total.
However
,
Possible typo: you repeated a word
various various
sectors like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
metals, mining, agriculture and transport contributed till 12%, 9%, 1%, 1%
respectively
.

In 2010, the intake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
metal rose
significantly
by 6%,
in contrast
, manufacturing and
Possible spelling mistake. 'aluminium' is British English.
aluminium
experienced a slight fall of 9% and 11%
respectively
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields remained unchanged for both the years.
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IELTS academic The pie chart illustrates, the intake of electrical supply by various field of industry in the year 2007 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
167 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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