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the pie chart of employment pattern

the pie chart of employment pattern oEoAg
One may think that females have more privilege and chances than males. The following pie charts illustrate the proportion of males and females in employment. With a glance, the biggest percent belong to managerial and professional in the male chart. The clerical and related by 28 % has the second place. Craft or similar with 21 percent is the last big part of the male’s pie chart. After that other non-manual with 6 % and other manual by 5 % have the two small session of the chart. As the last part general labourers own the smallest share of pie chart. That is only 2 percent. In the other hand, in the females pie chart unlike the males chart, that managerial and professional part has the major share, here clerical and related part has enormous percentage. Also, it seems the other manual part is more important because it has 30 % instead of 5% in males chart. The next big different between males and female chart is the chart of similar session. It is only 4. 5 percent like the males chart the last share belong to general labourers by 0. 5 percent. This pie charts shows that managerial and professional part is the most important part about male and the clerical and related for females. For both of them, general labourers have the lest percentages.
One may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
have more privilege and chances than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
. The following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charts
illustrate the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in employment.

With a glance, the biggest percent belong to managerial and professional in the male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
. The clerical and related by 28 % has the second place. Craft or similar with 21 percent is the last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of the male’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
. After that
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other
non-manual with 6 % and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
manual by 5 % have the two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
session of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the last
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part
general
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
the smallest share of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
.
That is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2 percent.

In the
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other
hand, in the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "females'" or "female's"?
females
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
unlike the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
, that managerial and professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
has the major share, here clerical and related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
has enormous percentage.
Also
, it seems the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
manual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has 30 %
instead
of 5% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
. The
next
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
of similar session. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
4. 5 percent like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
the last share belong to general
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
by 0. 5 percent.

This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that managerial and professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
about male and the clerical and related for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
. For both of them, general
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
have the lest percentages.
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IELTS academic the pie chart of employment pattern

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
226 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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