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The pie chart comparing power consumption in a typical Australian home in 2008

The pie chart comparing power consumption in a typical Australian home in 2008 0lP7G
The pie chart comparing power consumption in a typical Australian home in 2008. In general, electrical appliances have different electrical energy consumption. As you can see, heating, keeping or cooling a home consumes almost half of the energy, 63%, needed in the average Australian household. This is followed by other appliances such as clothes and dish washers, 16. Lighting and freezers use the same energy source 7% each, while cooking and stand-by power use negligible amount, 4% and 3% respectively. As far as I know, heating and cooling appliances emit the highest percentage of greenhouse gases even though they consume less electricity than water heaters. Other devices contribute to the emission of hazardous gases based on the percentage of energy they need to operate. So, try to use electrical appliances properly to limit greenhouse gas emissions.
The pie chart comparing power consumption in a typical Australian home in 2008.
In general
, electrical
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appliances
have
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different
electrical
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energy
consumption. As you can
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see
, heating, keeping or cooling a home consumes almost half of the
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energy
, 63%, needed in the average Australian household. This
is followed
by other
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appliances
such as clothes and dish washers, 16. Lighting and freezers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the same
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energy
source 7% each, while cooking and stand-by power
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
negligible amount, 4% and 3%
respectively
. As far as I know, heating and cooling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
emit the highest percentage of greenhouse gases
even though
they consume less electricity than water heaters. Other devices contribute to the emission of hazardous gases based on the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
they need to operate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
electrical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
properly
to limit greenhouse gas emissions.
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IELTS academic The pie chart comparing power consumption in a typical Australian home in 2008

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
136 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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