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the percentages of sales performance by CANDY store in 1999

the percentages of sales performance by CANDY store in 1999 xgaPo
The bar chart compares the percentage of the actual and the target of sales performance by Candy store in 1999. There were five kinds of candy namely Acid Pops, Chocolate Frogs, Cockroach Clusters, Fudge Flies, and Ice Mice. Overall, the chart demonstrates that the actual Fudge Flies, Ice Mice nearly touch the target and the chart divides the target from 100 to 50 percent. As regards the first, it is noticeable that the couple is 100 percent in the target of Acid Pops and Chocolate Frogs. The Chocolate Frogs were 50% compared to the target and it was double the Acid Pops’s actual percentage. As is described in the graph, the middle couple showed that they both had 75 percent in the target. Fudge Flies was the first rank between actual and target because it had 67 percent in actual. (It also almost doubled the Cockroach Frogs which had 35 percent of actual. ) Finally the Ice Mine was the second rank among target and actual. It had 39 percent of the actual and only 50% in the target.
The bar chart compares the percentage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actual
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
target
of sales performance by Candy store in 1999. There were five kinds of candy
namely
Acid Pops, Chocolate
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Frogs
, Cockroach Clusters, Fudge Flies, and Ice Mice.

Overall
, the chart demonstrates that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actual
Fudge Flies, Ice Mice
nearly
touch the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
target
and the chart divides the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
target
from 100 to 50 percent.

As regards the
first
, it is noticeable that the couple is 100
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percent
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
target
of Acid Pops and Chocolate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Frogs
. The Chocolate
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Frogs
were 50% compared to the
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target
and it was double the Acid Pops’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actual
percentage.

As is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
in the graph, the middle couple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that they both had 75
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
target
. Fudge Flies was the
first
rank between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actual
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
target
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it had 67
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actual
. (It
also
almost doubled the Cockroach
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Frogs
which had 35
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actual
.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
Finally
the Ice Mine was the second rank among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
target
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actual
. It had 39
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actual
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
50% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
target
.
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IELTS academic the percentages of sales performance by CANDY store in 1999

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
179 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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