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The percentage participation of men in three companies between the 1989 and the year 2010 three companies between

The percentage participation of men in three companies between the 1989 and the year 2010 three companies between gqdBO
The bar chart above shows the percentage engagement of men in senior development position in 3 companies between a period of 50 years. Overall, it is evident that IBM and Microsoft company witnessed a remarkable increase during the given period, whereas the apple company continued to fluctuate around the same time. To begin, IBM remained stable from 1980 to 1985 and increased slightly in 1990, standing at around 12%. By1995 it rose significantly measuring Upto about 25%. Similarly, Microsoft began to increase in 1980 and increased slightly in 1985 measuring Upto 10%. furthermore in 1990 it rose Upto 12%. in 2010 Microsoft rose dramatically to over 45%. In contrast apple fluctuated considerably throughout the given period of time. from 1980 it rose significantly above 15%. in 1985 it decreased slightly to 12%. By 1995 it has risen over 20%. in 2010, it fell slightly to18%. from 2010 onwards the apple witnessed a sharp increase tarring above 35%.
The bar chart above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the percentage engagement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in senior development position in 3
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
between a period of 50 years.

Overall
, it is evident that IBM and Microsoft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
witnessed a remarkable increase during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period, whereas the apple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
continued to fluctuate around the same time.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, IBM remained stable from 1980 to 1985 and increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
slightly
in 1990, standing at around 12%. By1995 it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rose
significantly
measuring
Possible spelling mistake found.
Upto
about 25%.
Similarly
, Microsoft began to increase in 1980 and increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
slightly
in 1985 measuring
Possible spelling mistake found.
Upto
10%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
furthermore
in 1990 it
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rose
Possible spelling mistake found.
Upto
12%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
2010 Microsoft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rose
dramatically
to over 45%.

In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
contrast
apple fluctuated
considerably
throughout the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period of time.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
from
1980 it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rose
significantly
above 15%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
1985 it decreased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
slightly
to 12%. By 1995 it has risen over 20%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
2010, it fell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
slightly
to18%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
from
2010 onwards the apple witnessed a sharp increase tarring above 35%.
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IELTS academic The percentage participation of men in three companies between the 1989 and the year 2010 three companies between

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
157 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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