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the percentage of two types of accomodation of the households in two countries between 1918 and 2011

the percentage of two types of accomodation of the households in two countries between 1918 and 2011 aEmw7
The chart presented below illustrates the percentage of two types of accomodation of the households in two countries, namely England and Wales, between 1918 and 2011. Overall, There was a contradictory percentage changes between the households who were owning a property and those who were just renting a property during these periods. In 1918, there were nearly 80 percent of the households who had their own property. However, this variable’s trend had faced a significant depression until 2001, where eventually the percentage of this variable was only reaching around 30 percent. This variable’s quantity, however, started to increase again in 2011. On the contrary, the households who was just had a contracted property, initially, is known as the minorty group. Nevertheless, this variable had a substantial transformation of its percentage until 2001, although during 1939 to 1953 this variable had a constant progress. However, for the first time, this variable had experienced a decrease in 2011, though it was just in a slight amount.
The chart presented below illustrates the
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percentage
of two types of
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
of the
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households
in two countries,
namely
England and Wales, between 1918 and 2011.
Overall
, There was a contradictory
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percentage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
The verb 'owning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
were owning
a
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property
and those
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who
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
renting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
property
during these periods.

In 1918, there were
nearly
80 percent of the
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households
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
property
.
However
, this
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variable’s
trend had faced a significant depression until 2001, where
eventually
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
variable
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reaching around 30 percent. This
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variable’s
quantity,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to increase again in 2011.

On the contrary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
had a contracted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
property
,
initially
,
is known
as the
Possible spelling mistake found.
minorty
group.
Nevertheless
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
variable
had a substantial transformation of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
until 2001, although during 1939 to 1953 this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
variable
had
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "constant progress".
a constant progress
.
However
, for the
first
time, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
variable
had experienced a decrease in 2011, though it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in a slight amount.
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IELTS academic the percentage of two types of accomodation of the households in two countries between 1918 and 2011

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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