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the chrts below shows the proportion of the enegy produced from differnt siurces.

the chrts below shows the proportion of the enegy produced from differnt siurces. Ryx5Y
A glance at pie charts reveals a number of striking data about the percentage of energy was produced from various sources in a nation from 1985 to 2003. Overall, it can be seen from the charts that, at the beginning of the period oil was contributed most of significant part while, sources from hydrogen remained constant throughout the period of 18 months. To begin with, in 1985, sources from nuclear gas was consist of the less than fifth of energy produced while, these figure was increased in 2003, at 23%. Also, approximately nearly one in ten of energy was generated from coal and went up 13 %, in 2003. In contrast, oil (52%) was the major part of production of energy, in 1985. However, these percentages dropped down to 39%, in 2003. Similarly, nuclear was deceased to 5 % from 1985 to 2003. Moreover, there was noticeable change in other renewable from 1 % to 4 % for energy generation, in 1985 to 2003, on the other side, hydrogen was remained the same in 1985 and in 2003.
A glance at pie charts reveals a number of striking data about the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
was produced
from various sources in a nation from 1985 to 2003.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the charts that, at the beginning of the period oil
was contributed
most of significant part while, sources from hydrogen remained constant throughout the period of 18 months.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in 1985, sources from nuclear gas was consist of the less than fifth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
produced while, these figure
was increased
in 2003, at 23%.
Also
, approximately
nearly
one in ten of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
was generated
from coal and went up 13 %, in 2003.
In contrast
, oil (52%) was the major part of production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, in 1985.
However
, these percentages
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "dropped".
dropped down
to 39%, in 2003.
Similarly
, nuclear
was deceased
to 5 % from 1985 to 2003.
Moreover
, there was noticeable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in other renewable from 1 % to 4 % for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
generation, in 1985 to 2003, on the other side, hydrogen
was remained
the same in 1985 and in 2003.
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IELTS academic the chrts below shows the proportion of the enegy produced from differnt siurces.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
178 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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