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The percentage of shopping among males and females

The percentage of shopping among males and females YwNjj
The bar chart illustrates the popular 4 types of free-time activities among the adolescents in Canada as a parcentage in two different genders. Overall, boys spent their most of time shopping. Interestingly, the males' rates in other types also presented higher per cents than girls. As the graph shows, almost 35% Canadian boys were engagaed in shopping, however girls achieved only 6 % in this type of activity. Sport was the second most wide-spread hobby for young man and specifically, their result showed more than 25%. It was the music that has an almost identical result in Canada which both genders resulted just about 20%. Similarly, the time spent on computer games also did not show a large difference between the two genders, with more than 15% of boys were busy in this activity and girls recording slightly less than 15%.
The bar chart illustrates the popular 4 types of free-time activities among the adolescents in Canada as a
parcentage
in two
different
genders.
Overall
, boys spent their most of time shopping.
Interestingly
, the males' rates in other types
also
presented higher per cents than girls.

As the graph
shows
, almost 35% Canadian boys were
engagaed
in shopping,
however
girls achieved
only
6 % in this type of activity.

Sport was the second most wide-spread hobby for young
man
and
specifically
, their result
showed
more than 25%. It was the music that has an almost identical result in Canada which both genders resulted
just
about 20%.
Similarly
, the time spent on computer games
also
did not
show
a large difference between the two genders, with more than 15% of boys were busy in this activity and girls recording
slightly
less than 15%.
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IELTS academic The percentage of shopping among males and females

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
141 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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