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the percentage of Internet consumption in Taiwa

the percentage of Internet consumption in Taiwa A3LRe
The provided bar chart illustrates the percentage of Internet consumption in Taiwan. In term of different age groups and being divided into three periods over the course of three years, starting from 1998. Overall, looking at the map it is immediately obvious that less than 15 and 50 or more age groups experienced an upward trend with the exception of 16-30 and 31-50 age groups which had the opposite tendency. Moreover, the graph reveals that young adults (16-30) registered the highest figure. With regards to the proportion of people from 16-30 and 31-50 age groups consuming the Internet witnessed a relatively similar downward trend. The year 2000 saw a significant decrease of 9% in the percentage of young adults using social networks whereas the figure of middle-aged people (31-50) declined negligibly by 4%. Having said that 16-30 age group was the dominant source, registering a markedly higher figure than that for the others groups. Moving on to the remaining age groups, the proportion of people over 50 years old using the internet had the statistic that exactly two times as high as those for children category which hit the lowest point in 1998. Specifically, in the oldest age group, social networks were used by 10% of the senior citizens while the figure of children using the internet was only 9%.
The provided bar chart illustrates the percentage of Internet consumption in Taiwan. In term of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
and
being divided
into three periods over the course of three years, starting from 1998.

Overall
, looking at the map it is immediately obvious that less than 15 and 50 or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
experienced an upward trend
Consider using "except" or "except for"
with the exception of
16-30 and 31-50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
which had the opposite tendency.
Moreover
, the graph reveals that young adults (16-30) registered the highest figure.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from 16-30 and 31-50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
consuming the Internet witnessed a
relatively
similar downward trend. The year 2000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a significant decrease of 9% in the percentage of young adults using social networks whereas the figure of middle-aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
(31-50) declined
negligibly
by 4%. Having said that 16-30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
was the dominant source, registering a
markedly
higher figure than that for the others groups.

Moving on to the remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
over 50 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
using the internet had the statistic that exactly two times as high as those for children category which hit the lowest point in 1998.
Specifically
, in the oldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, social networks were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by 10% of the senior citizens while the figure of children using the internet was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
9%.
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IELTS academic the percentage of Internet consumption in Taiwa

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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