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The percentage of fruits and vegetables consumption

The percentage of fruits and vegetables consumption 6K5B0
The above chart indicates that consumption of fruits and veggies increased massively from 10 percent to more than 30 percent in years 2001 to 2006. But later on in next two years (2007 to 2008) consumption decreases in small scales. While it is quite clear that women are consuming more fruits and veggies than men and children, about 5% more than men and 7 to 8 percent than children. Men consuming averagely, men ratio remained almost same in 3 years from 2001 to 2003 while it got increased on normal scales in next 3 years. Likewise children consumption of fruits and vegetables also remained same from 2001 to 2003. And later on increased up to 28% till 2007. Children are only whose consumption increased after 2006. And consumption from men decreased after 2007. It is seem that year 2006 was peak year of fruits, veggies consumption because later on consuming ratio faced reduction from all resources.
The above chart indicates that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
and veggies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
massively
from 10 percent to more than 30 percent in years 2001 to 2006.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
later on in
next
two years (2007 to 2008)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
decreases in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
scales. While it is quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that women are consuming more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
and veggies than
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men
and
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children
, about 5% more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and 7 to 8 percent than
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children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
consuming
averagely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
ratio remained almost same in 3 years from 2001 to 2003 while it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
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increased
on normal scales in
next
3 years.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Likewise
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children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
and vegetables
also
remained same from 2001 to 2003. And later on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
up to 28% till 2007.
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Children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
after 2006. And
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consumption
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
decreased after 2007. It is
Consider using a past participle here: "seemed".
seem
that
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year
2006 was peak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
, veggies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
later on consuming ratio faced reduction from all resources.

IELTS academic The percentage of fruits and vegetables consumption

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
156 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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