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the percentage of enthusiastic people into cinema has a sharply growth in 1984 until 2002

the percentage of enthusiastic people into cinema has a sharply growth in 1984 until 2002 RRd0W
Nowadays there is lots of entertainment among people to spend their free time on and to get relaxed too, going to cinema is one of those. Based on the chart, it's illustrated the number of people who attempt to watching cinema movies is going to increase day by day. This graph shows that the percentage of enthusiastic people into cinema has a sharply growth in 1984 until 2002. The 1 5_24_year_oId guys had the highest level whereas the 35_year_oId and more brought the lowest rank of this graph. In 1989 the number of teenagers was about 15 % and it goes up to 50 percent until 2002 of course it wasn't the best score, the highest level is related to 1999 by 60%, also they had a rapid fall and down changes in 1991 1 995. There we have the middle_aged person just increased nearly 10%. In addition we can reveal from the graphs the under 14_year_old and 25_34_year_oId guys had an almost rapid way, initially began roughly and reached the peak at 40% and 35% gradually. In general speaking the adults and teenagers spend more time to have fun while watching movies in cinema than other age groups.
Nowadays there is lots of entertainment among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to spend their free time on and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relaxed too, going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
is one of those.

Based on the chart, it's illustrated the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who attempt to watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
movies is going to increase day by day.

This graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the percentage of enthusiastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
has a
You used an adverb ('sharply') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('growth') instead of another adjective.
sharply growth
in 1984 until 2002.

The 1 5_24_
In standard English, a word does not contain an underscore character (_). Make sure that the word 'year _ oId' is correct.
year_oId
guys had the highest level whereas the 35_
In standard English, a word does not contain an underscore character (_). Make sure that the word 'year _ oId' is correct.
year_oId
and more brought the lowest rank of this graph.

In 1989 the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
was about 15 % and it goes up to 50 percent until 2002
of course
it wasn't the best score, the highest level
is related
to 1999 by 60%,
also
they had a rapid fall and down
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in

1991 1 995.

There we have the
In standard English, a word does not contain an underscore character (_). Make sure that the word 'middle _ aged' is correct.
middle_aged
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
increased
nearly
10%.

In
The comma is probably missing here: "addition, we".
addition we
can reveal from the graphs the under 14_
In standard English, a word does not contain an underscore character (_). Make sure that the word 'year _ old' is correct.
year_old
and

25_34_
In standard English, a word does not contain an underscore character (_). Make sure that the word 'year _ oId' is correct.
year_oId
guys had an almost rapid way,
initially
began roughly and reached the peak at 40% and 35%
gradually
.

In general
speaking the adults and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
spend

more time to have fun while watching movies in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
than other age groups.

IELTS academic the percentage of enthusiastic people into cinema has a sharply growth in 1984 until 2002

Academic
  American English
8 paragraphs
199 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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