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The diagram illustrates the production of milk and producer of dairy items

The diagram illustrates the production of milk and producer of dairy items q0MQ5
The diagram explains the way milk is produced and converted into cheese and cream and butter. It is essential to follow all stages for appropriate products. overall, the process consists of eight stages beginning with, cow grazing to produce milk and ending up packaging. First of all, cows graze in the fields, after that, they are taken to a milking machine two times a day, where milked collect then transferred in the storage for cooling In the next stage milk is put into our ticket then delivered to dairy. In the next stage, after the delivery, milk is ready to convert into dairy items mainly, cheese cream and butter. In the subsequent step, all products are ready to pack into containers this stage is done through a milk pasteurized process, then transfer nearby shops and markets for sale.
The diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
is produced
and converted into cheese and cream and butter. It is essential to follow all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stages
for appropriate products.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
overall
, the process consists of eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stages
beginning with, cow grazing to produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
and ending up packaging.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, cows graze in the fields, after that, they
are taken
to a milking machine two times a day, where milked collect then transferred in the storage for cooling In the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
is put
into our ticket then delivered to dairy.

In the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
, after the delivery,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
is ready to convert into dairy items
mainly
, cheese cream and butter. In the subsequent step, all products are ready to pack into containers this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
is done
through a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
pasteurized process, then transfer nearby shops and markets for sale.

IELTS academic The diagram illustrates the production of milk and producer of dairy items

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
138 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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