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Young people always spend more time to culture activities

Young people always spend more time to culture activities RRdWW
Young people always spend more time to culture activities like music, theater, but spending time on both is important so we need to do all. Sport gives you a good health and you will feel fun when you play sport. When you play a sport you can study a lot of things such as: How can play this sport and so on. But cultural activities are important too. Why? Because you need to do it. After a hard, stress, pressure day. You need to play a music, go to the theater to relax. But everything has bad points. Cultural activities are more expensive. For example, when you buy a musical instrument. It's really expensive. Playing sports are cheaper than cultural activities but it's dangerous and you can have an accident. In my opinion, if you choose cultural activities so don't choose cultural activities. For example: when you focused on sports. It means" I want to be a famous badminton player" so it can make you stress and pressure. So do only one thing when you think what is suitable for you.
Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always spend more time to culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like music, theater,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
spending time on both is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we need to do all.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
gives you a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health and you will feel fun when you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. When you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
you can study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things such as: How can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
too. Why?
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
you need to do it. After a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, pressure day. You need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a music, go to the theater to relax.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
everything has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
points.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are more expensive.
For example
, when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a musical instrument. It's
really
expensive. Playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are cheaper than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and you can have an accident. In my opinion, if you choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
don't choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For example
: when you focused on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. It means
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
I want to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
badminton player
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pressure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one thing when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
what is suitable for you.
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IELTS academic Young people always spend more time to culture activities

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
181 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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