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The percentage of Australian graduates in full-time employment four months after graudation

The percentage of Australian graduates in full-time employment four months after graudation dpbRr
The bar chart illustrates the information about the percentage of Australian graduates employed full-time four months after graduating in period between 1995 and 2001. In general, during the period of 6 years, the amount of employed, both male and female, grew. But, most of male, four months after graduating have found full time job. If we compare, women employment was lower than male. During the period, percentage of male graduates increased slowly, and the pick is on year 2000, start of the new millennium, where the percentage of full -time employed male students increase 2. 5% in relation to the previous year. If we look backwards, in period of five years, the percent of employed female graduates, increase 4. 5%, from 78% to 82. 5%. Decreasing can be seen in 2001, where the percentage of employed male went down, from 84% in 2000 to 83%, and the percentage of employed female stays the same as in 2000. In 2001 employment numbers stay same for male and female. Overall, the percentage of male employees was bigger than female employed.
The bar chart illustrates the information about the
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percentage
of Australian graduates
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employed
full-time four months after graduating in
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period
between 1995 and 2001.

In general
, during the
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period
of 6 years, the amount of
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employed
, both male and
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female
, grew.
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But
,
Consider using "most male" or "most of the male".
most of male
, four months after graduating have found full time job. If we compare, women employment was lower than male. During the
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period
,
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percentage
of male graduates increased
slowly
, and the pick is on
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year
2000,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of the new millennium, where the
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percentage
of full -time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
male students increase 2. 5% in relation to the previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. If we look backwards, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of five years, the percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
graduates, increase 4. 5%, from 78% to 82. 5%.

Decreasing can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in 2001, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
male went down, from 84% in 2000 to 83%, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
stays the same as in 2000. In 2001 employment numbers stay same for male and female.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of male employees was bigger than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
.
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IELTS academic The percentage of Australian graduates in full-time employment four months after graudation

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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