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the percentage of adults of different age groups in Uk

the percentage of adults of different age groups in Uk mW3Pd
The given column graph illustrates the percentage of adults of different age groups using the Internet between 2003 and 2006, in Great Britain. The over 65s had the least percentage of Internet users. The main users of the Internet were young adults aged between 16 and 24 years. In 2003 and 2004, they shared the same percentage, which was 80%. In 2005, this figure increased significantly to 100% but decreased slightly to 90% in the next year. We can see from the chart that all the age groups experienced an upward trend as far as their daily use of the Internet is concerned. In the 25-44 group, there was a gradual growth in the percentage, from 50% to 80%, between 2003 and 2006. There were similar increases for the 45 to 54-year-olds, rising from 60% in 2003 to 80% in 2006. As for the other two groups, although the percentages had minor fluctuation, the overall trend was upwards. Overall, adults between 16 and 44 showed the greatest usage of the Internet and the users grew with time regardless of their age.
The
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given
column graph illustrates the
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percentage
of adults of
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different
age
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groups
using the Internet between 2003 and 2006, in Great Britain. The over 65s had the least
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percentage
of Internet users.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
main users of the Internet were young adults aged between 16 and 24 years. In 2003 and 2004, they shared the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
, which was 80%. In 2005, this figure increased
significantly
to 100%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
decreased
slightly
to 90% in the
next
year.

We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from the chart that all the age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
experienced an upward trend as far as their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the Internet
is concerned
. In the 25-44
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, there was a gradual growth in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
, from 50% to 80%, between 2003 and 2006. There were similar increases for the 45 to 54-year-olds, rising from 60% in 2003 to 80% in 2006. As for the other two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
had minor fluctuation, the
overall
trend was upwards.

Overall
, adults between 16 and 44
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the greatest usage of the Internet and the users grew with time regardless of their age.
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IELTS academic the percentage of adults of different age groups in Uk

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
181 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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