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The bar graph gices the information about joined a 2 age group in free time center in small town

The bar graph gices the information about joined a 2 age group in free time center in small town nRXkl
The below bar graph provides information about the clubs which are joined by two age groups at the activity center. The three activities which have only marginal difference like photography, music and dance, fitness. In fitness, only 5 members of difference with compare to old age group. In music and dance club, the very nominal difference between youth and senior citizens is 53 and 50 respectively. Photography, interest is same in both age group. On the other hand, the old generation is highly interested in gardening as compare to youth. Art and craft have a long or high difference between youngsters and senior citizens as 60 and 20 members respectively. In cycling, only 1/6 members of the 55 to 65 age category showed their interest compared to the 25 to 35 age groups. To sum up, there are three categories whose interests almost the same, whereas other categories' interests change as per their age group.
The below bar graph provides information about the clubs which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
by two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups at the activity center.

The three activities which have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
marginal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
like photography, music and dance, fitness. In fitness,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5 members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
with compare to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group. In music and dance club, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
nominal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
between youth and senior citizens is 53 and 50
respectively
. Photography,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
is same in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation is
highly
interested in gardening as compare to youth. Art and craft have a long or high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
between youngsters and senior citizens as 60 and 20 members
respectively
. In cycling,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1/6 members of the 55 to 65
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
Possible agreement error. The noun 'category' seems to be countable, so consider using: "categories".
category
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
compared to the 25 to 35
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups.

To sum up, there are three categories whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
almost the same, whereas other categories'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
as per their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group.
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IELTS academic The bar graph gices the information about joined a 2 age group in free time center in small town

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
155 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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