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The online shopping sales for retail sectors

The online shopping sales for retail sectors E396L
The pie charts compare the internet sales of four retail sectors in Canada between two years, 2005 and 2010. Overall, there was a significant change in total sales of four sectors, in terms of online sales. While the figures for video games and food and beverage saw an increase, the proportion of other two sectors decreased. Looking at the details, in 2005, the percentage of internet sales of video games was 18%, but this rose by 5%, to 23% in 2010. The figures for food and beverage sector also witnessed a dramatic increase, from 22% to 32% over a five – year period. In contrast, the proportion of other two sectors went in the opposite direction. What stands out from the graph is that the most significant fall was in home ans furnishings sector. This figure was 25% in 2005, then fell to only 15% in 2010. In the mean time, the percentage of internet sales of electronics and appliance sector also experienced a decrease, from 35% in 2005 to 30% in 2010.
The pie charts compare the internet
sales
of four retail
sectors
in Canada between two years, 2005 and 2010.

Overall
, there was a significant
change
in total
sales
of four
sectors
, in terms of online
sales
. While the figures for video games and food and beverage
saw
an increase, the proportion of other two
sectors
decreased.

Looking at the
details
, in 2005, the percentage of internet
sales
of video games was 18%,
but
this rose by 5%, to 23% in 2010. The figures for food and beverage
sector
also
witnessed a dramatic increase, from 22% to 32% over a five
year period.

In contrast
, the proportion of other two
sectors
went in the opposite direction. What stands out from the graph is that the most significant fall was in home ans furnishings
sector
. This figure was 25% in 2005, then fell to
only
15% in 2010. In the
mean time
, the percentage of internet
sales
of electronics and appliance
sector
also
experienced a decrease, from 35% in 2005 to 30% in 2010.
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IELTS academic The online shopping sales for retail sectors

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
173 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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