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the online sales of laptops, tablets, smartphones in first quarter in 2019

the online sales of laptops, tablets, smartphones in first quarter in 2019 ENEQL
The bar chart depicta the informarion about gadgets, smartphones, laptops and tablets, that were through the internet from the month of January to April in 2019Overall, the most interesting thing is that all there commodities showed fluctuating trend over the given time. However, sale of smartphones was least in first month but it reached peak in march. Looking at the details, in the starting month of the year approximately 50 million laptops were sold through internet. However, sale of laptop units decreased sharply till march only 35 million units were sold. Eventhough sale of laptop units decreased, it is increased significantly in april to over 50 million per month. Moving futher, sales of tablets in january was around 30 million but there was rapid increase in February and remained stable in march that was almost 65 million units. Morover the sales of tablets again decreased in april at 13 million. Futher more, in January only 20 million smartphones were sold online but there was rapid increase till march that was over 70 million smartphones sold through internet and again sales of smartphone followed downward trend that was around 50 million units.
The bar chart
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depicta
the
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informarion
about gadgets, smartphones,
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laptops
and tablets, that were through the internet from the
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month
of January to April in 2019Overall, the most interesting thing is that all there commodities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
fluctuating trend over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time.
However
,
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sale
of smartphones was least in
first
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month
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it reached peak in
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march
. Looking at the
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details
, in the starting
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month
of the year approximately 50
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million
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laptops
were sold
through internet.
However
,
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sale
of
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laptop
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units
decreased
sharply
till
The month "March" needs to be capitalized.
march
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
35
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million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
were sold
.
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Eventhough
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sale
of
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laptop
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units
decreased, it
is increased
significantly
in
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april
to over 50
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million
per
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month
. Moving
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futher
,
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sales
of tablets in
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january
was around 30
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million
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but
there was rapid increase in February and remained stable in
The month "March" needs to be capitalized.
march
that was almost 65
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million
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units
.
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Morover
the
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sales
of tablets again decreased in
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april
at 13
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million
.
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Futher
more, in January
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only
20
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million
smartphones
were sold
online
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but
there was rapid increase till
The month "March" needs to be capitalized.
march
that was over 70
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million
smartphones sold through internet and again
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sales
of smartphone followed downward trend that was around 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
.
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IELTS academic the online sales of laptops, tablets, smartphones in first quarter in 2019

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
191 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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