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number of men and women studying foreign language at a university

number of men and women studying foreign language at a university aAbX7
The graph provides information on the volume of men and women university students studying foreign languages between 1992 and 2012. The data is based on the amount of students each year. Overall, the number of women who study language steadily rise tripled over 20 years. In contrast, the total men students learning foreign language is slightly fall over the period. In the future, this led female students' level being forecast to rise and men students will be dropped or stabilised. From 1992 to 2002, there was a staying level of men who learn foreign language almost half of the total students. Over the following ten years, that amount shrink by one fifth. However, in the first period, women who studying foreign language is measly. Despite the past is few, but in 2002 until 2012 there is twice enhancement of female students each period albeit only in 10 years. In regard to the universities students studying language data, the group that has an upward trend is women which respectively grow stabilised by 4, 000 each decade. while the sum of man students seems to have fallen modestly.
The graph provides information on the volume of
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men
and
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women
university
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students
studying
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foreign
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languages
between 1992 and 2012. The data
is based
on the amount of
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students
each year.

Overall
, the number of
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women
who study
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language
steadily
rise tripled over 20 years.
In contrast
, the total
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men
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students
learning
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foreign
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language
is
slightly
Consider using a past participle here: "fallen".
fall
over the period. In the future, this led female students' level being forecast to rise and
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men
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students
will
be dropped
or
Possible spelling mistake. 'stabilised' is British English.
stabilised
.

From 1992 to 2002, there was a staying level of
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men
who learn
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foreign
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language
almost half of the total
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students
. Over the following ten years, that amount shrink by one fifth.
However
, in the
first
period,
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women
who studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is measly. Despite the past is few,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2002 until 2012 there is twice enhancement of female
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students
each period albeit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in 10 years.

In regard to the universities
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students
studying
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language
data, the group that has an upward trend is
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women
which
respectively
grow
Possible spelling mistake. 'stabilised' is British English.
stabilised
by 4, 000 each decade.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
the sum of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
seems to have fallen
modestly
.
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IELTS academic number of men and women studying foreign language at a university

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
186 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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