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the numbers of visitor to AShdown Museum

the numbers of visitor to AShdown Museum QVjJb
The table below gives us some information about the total number of visitors that went to Ashdown Museum during the year both before and after refurbishment. Related to this, The pie charts where are under the table show the distribution of satisfaction degrees for before and after refurbishment according to the results of surveys. Overall, it can be seen that while the total number of visitors increased, satisfaction rose. First of all, one of the most prominent of this data is that after refurbishment Ashdown Museum gets more attractive. In this consequently, the proportion of visitors who left very and just satisfy climbed nearly as twice, however, the proportion of dissatisfied dramatically reduced from 40 to 15. Moreover, the number of people who didn't respond to the survey remained the same, at 5. It is clear that before the percentage of refurbishment people visited the museum during the years increased after refurbishment it can be said that this outcome was directly proportional with satisfaction rate.
The table below gives us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information about the total number of visitors that went to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ashdown
Museum during the year both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refurbishment
. Related to this, The pie charts where are under the table
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the distribution of satisfaction degrees for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refurbishment
according to the results of surveys.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that while the total number of visitors increased, satisfaction rose.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, one of the most prominent of this data is that after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refurbishment
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ashdown
Museum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more attractive. In this
consequently
, the proportion of visitors who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
satisfy climbed
nearly
as twice,
however
, the proportion of dissatisfied
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
from 40 to 15.
Moreover
, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who didn't respond to the survey remained the same, at 5. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refurbishment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visited the museum during the years increased after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refurbishment
it can
be said
that this outcome was
directly
proportional with satisfaction rate.
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IELTS academic the numbers of visitor to AShdown Museum

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
165 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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