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The employment of all male and female workers by occupation in the UK

The employment of all male and female workers by occupation in the UK Blbnp
This bar chart presents the percentage of employees in a variety of jobs regarding their sex. It should be noted that a great number of women (around 22%) landed a job in Administrative and secretarial parts. However, male counterparts mostly took part in Skilled trades(about 20%). Moreover, the lowest percentage of female jobs in 2005 in the UK, was skilled trades and Process, plant and machine operation group that is 2%. While the least percentage of men (around2%) are demonstrated to do personal services, about 14% of women worked in this area. Male workers were occupied in Manager and senior officials, Professional and Associate professional and technical for around 17%, 14%, and 13% respectively. Finally, women were less chosen except for the Associate professional and technical, Sales and customer service, Administrative and secretarial, and personal se
This bar chart presents the percentage of employees in a variety of jobs regarding their sex.

It should
be noted
that a great number of women (around 22%) landed a job in Administrative and secretarial parts.
However
, male counterparts
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in Skilled trades(about 20%).

Moreover
, the lowest percentage of female jobs in 2005 in the UK,
was skilled
trades and Process, plant and machine operation group
that is
2%. While the least percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
(around2%)
are demonstrated
to do personal services, about 14% of women worked in this area.

Male workers
were occupied
in Manager and senior officials, Professional and Associate professional and technical for around 17%, 14%, and 13%
respectively
.
Finally
, women were less chosen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
the Associate professional and technical, Sales and customer service, Administrative and secretarial, and personal
Possible spelling mistake found.
se
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IELTS academic The employment of all male and female workers by occupation in the UK

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
135 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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