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The below diagram shows the global net advertising revenues and regional market shares in 2008

The below diagram shows the global net advertising revenues and regional market shares in 2008 YBjaQ
The provided pictogram depicts the data regarding the highest online advertising market which includes world's advertising profits as well as local market shares between 2006 and 2008. The data has been calibrated in the percentage and in billions. It is evident from the graph that the global net advertising profits were increased 33% in the year 2006 with the total gain of 20. 4 billions. While, in the year 2007 the value has been raised to 25. 7 billions with the accelerated benefit of 26%. In addition, the growth in the profit was less in 2008 as compared to the previous years although the annual revenue was high which was 31. 7 billions. By scanning further, EU had the more local market shares with the increment of 31% whereas, the entire shares were 9. 1 billions. Similarly, the next popular local market shares were in the USA which was 13. 6 billions by including 13% of growth. Meanwhile, there was a 26% hike in the shares of Asia Pacific with the overall figure of 7. 2 billions. However, only 1. 8 billion of shares belonged to rest of the world. To conclude, it is clear that in 2008 profits of the world's net advertising was ranked top not only that but also the local market shares were peak in EU.
The provided pictogram depicts the data regarding the highest online advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
which includes world's advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shares
between 2006 and 2008. The data has
been calibrated
in the percentage and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
. It is evident from the graph that the global net advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
were increased
33% in the year 2006 with the total gain of 20. 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, in the year 2007 the value has
been raised
to 25. 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
with the accelerated benefit of 26%.
In addition
, the growth in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
was less in 2008 as compared to the previous years although the annual revenue was high which was 31. 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
. By scanning
further
, EU had the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shares
with the increment of 31% whereas, the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shares
were 9. 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
.
Similarly
, the
next
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shares
were in the USA which was 13. 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
by including 13% of growth. Meanwhile, there was a 26% hike in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shares
of Asia Pacific with the
overall
figure of 7. 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1. 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shares
belonged to rest of the world.
To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that in 2008
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
of the world's net advertising
was ranked
top not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shares
were peak in EU.
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IELTS academic The below diagram shows the global net advertising revenues and regional market shares in 2008

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
220 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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