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The number of tourists visiting Malaysia and Dubai from 1995 to 2003 is presented below

The line graph describes the number of tourists who visited Malaysia and Dubai from 1995 to 2003. Overall, more tourists went to visit Malaysia from 1995 to 2000, on the contrary afterwards, Dubai got more visitors. Getting back to the details, 100 thousand tourists visited Malaysia in 1995 and it was more than double than the number of tourists in Dubai at the same time. Next year, visitors to Malaysia increases while declined in Dubai. Afterwards, the number of tourists in Malaysia and Dubai rapidly increased and in 1998, 200 thousand people went to Malaysia compared to over 150 thousand in Dubai. Interestingly, holidaymakers’ number to both these places became identical and reached to over a quarter million in 2000. Next year, both countries witnessed a hike in their tourists’ number which stood at around 325 thousand. A reverse trend during the next few years followed with more tourists in Dubai than in Malaysia. Finally In 2002 Dubai got more trippers and this trend continued in the next year when 0. 4 million vacationers visited Dubai compared to less than 0. 25 million in Malaysia.
The line graph
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describes
the
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number
of
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tourists
who visited Malaysia and Dubai from 1995 to 2003.
Overall
, more
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tourists
went to visit Malaysia from 1995 to 2000,
on the contrary
afterwards, Dubai
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got
more visitors.

Getting back to the
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details
, 100 thousand
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tourists
visited Malaysia in
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
1995 and
it was more than double than the
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number
of
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tourists
in Dubai at the same time.
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Next
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year
, visitors to Malaysia increases while declined in Dubai. Afterwards, the
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number
of
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tourists
in Malaysia and Dubai
rapidly
increased and in 1998, 200 thousand
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people
went to Malaysia compared to over 150 thousand in Dubai.
Interestingly
, holidaymakers’
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number
to both these places became identical and reached to over a quarter million in 2000.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Next
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year
, both countries witnessed a hike in their
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tourists’
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number
which stood at around 325 thousand. A reverse trend during the
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next
few years followed with more
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tourists
in Dubai than in Malaysia.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
In 2002 Dubai
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got
more trippers and this trend continued in the
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next
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year
when 0. 4 million vacationers visited Dubai compared to less than 0. 25 million in Malaysia.
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IELTS academic The number of tourists visiting Malaysia and Dubai from 1995 to 2003 is presented below

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
185 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • The number of tourists visiting Malaysia and Dubai from 1995 to 2003 is presented below