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the number of men and women who smoked in someland

the number of men and women who smoked in someland d3EYX
The line chart gives information about the number of men and women, out of 1000 people, smoking in Someland from 1960 to 2000. Overall, male smokers were relatively more than female smokers; however, the gap between smoking men and women considerably became narrow throughout the mentioned period. We can see from the graph that, in 1960 the number of men who smoked was 6 times higher than that of women, with 600 people compared to 100 people. The percentage of men smoking gradually decreased by around 10% every 10 year period and reached just under 40% in 1990. The figure for male smokers saw a significant drop by 1995 to approximately 30%. At the end of the period, the number of men and women who smoke was rather the same, at around 23%. Regarding female smokers, the percentage of females smoking rose significantly to 30% in 1975. In the following 15 years, the figure nearly remained stable, at around 300 people. The proportion of smoking women experienced a drop of approximately 10% by 1995 and finished at just above 200 people at the end of the period.
The line chart gives information about the number of
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men
and
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women
, out of 1000
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people
,
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smoking
in
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Someland
from 1960 to 2000.
Overall
, male smokers were
relatively
more than female smokers;
however
, the gap between
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smoking
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men
and
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women
considerably
became narrow throughout the mentioned period.

We can
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see
from the graph that, in 1960 the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
who smoked was 6 times higher than that of
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women
, with 600
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people
compared to 100
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people
. The percentage of
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men
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smoking
gradually
decreased by around 10% every
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10 year
period and reached
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just
under 40% in 1990. The figure for male smokers
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saw
a significant drop by 1995 to approximately 30%. At the
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end
of the period, the number of
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men
and
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women
who smoke was
rather
the same, at around 23%.

Regarding female smokers, the percentage of females
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smoking
rose
significantly
to 30% in 1975. In the following 15 years, the figure
nearly
remained stable, at around 300
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people
. The proportion of
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smoking
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women
experienced a drop of approximately 10% by 1995 and finished at
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just
above 200
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people
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.
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IELTS academic the number of men and women who smoked in someland

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
187 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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