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pie chart shows the us area

pie chart shows the us area DY8x7
These pie charts illustrate the percentage of funds allocation to seven given items in 1966 and 1996, for the United States. Firstly, in year 1966, maximum usage is in food sector, this is of forty-four percentage followed by cars twenty-three percentage, moreover, consumption in petrol, restaurants and furniture each one is at approximately ten percentage shares. While books are only at six percentage. The least utilization is in computers due to less impact and availability of technology in that era. On the other hand, in year 1996, this figure majorly changes with enormous enhancement in cars and restaurants, which doubled from sales in 1966 and the food area is declined by thirty percentage in whole value. However, not only petrol, but furniture also did not affect that much, there is a slight declination of one and two percentage respectively. There is huge fluctuation in books and computers region, only be caused by the sophisticated development, result in plunging book at one percentage from six percentage and inclination in computers from one percentage to ten percentage. Overall, from above mentioned description, it has been found that there is a significant alteration in cuisine and technology industry over the period of given thirty years.
These pie charts illustrate the
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percentage
of funds allocation to seven
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
items in 1966 and 1996, for the United States.

Firstly
, in year 1966, maximum usage is in food sector, this is of forty-four
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percentage
followed by cars twenty-three
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percentage
,
moreover
, consumption in petrol, restaurants and furniture each one is at approximately ten
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percentage
shares.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
books are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at six
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percentage
. The least utilization is in computers due to less impact and availability of technology in that era.

On the other hand
, in year 1996, this figure
majorly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
with enormous enhancement in cars and restaurants, which doubled from sales in 1966 and the food area
is declined
by thirty
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percentage
in whole value.
However
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
petrol,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
furniture
also
did not affect that much, there is a slight declination of one and two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
respectively
. There is huge fluctuation in books and computers region,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be caused
by the sophisticated development, result in plunging book at one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
from six
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percentage
and inclination in computers from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
to ten percentage.

Overall
, from above mentioned description, it has
been found
that there is a significant alteration in cuisine and technology industry over the period of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
thirty years.
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IELTS academic pie chart shows the us area

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
202 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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