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the number of international tourists arrivals in five countries in the period 1995 to 2010

the number of international tourists arrivals in five countries in the period 1995 to 2010 LLYD3
The graph provides information about the number of international tourists arrivals in five countries in the period 1995 to 2010. Overall, the number of international tourists arrivals in fives countries tend to increase. Except for the USA, it decreased in the period 2005 to 2010. In 1995, USA was the country with the highest number of international tourists arrivals, it had over 70 milion international tourists. Meanwhile, France was only half as much as USA. However, between 1995 to 2005, the number of international tourists in France increased dramatically while the number of international tourists in USA increased slowly, but USA was higher than other coutries. But then, in 2010, the number of international tourists in France equal to the number of international tourists in USA. In contrast, in Malaysia, Egypt, Brazil, the number of international tourists arrivals increased slightly. In Malaysia, there were about 21 milion of international tourists and that number increased steadily for the whole period and reached about 48 milion in 2010. In the last two coutries Egypt and Brazil, they had the same number of international tourists in 1995, they had about 8 milion international tourists and their number of international tourists both increaed gradually. In 2010, Egypt had about 18 milion international tourists, it was higher than Brazil approximately 2 milion.
The graph provides information about the
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number
of
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international
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tourists
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arrivals
in five countries in the period 1995 to 2010.

Overall
, the
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number
of
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international
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tourists
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arrivals
in fives countries tend to increase.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Except for
the USA, it decreased in the period 2005 to 2010.

In 1995, USA was the country with the highest
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number
of
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international
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tourists
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arrivals
, it had over 70
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milion
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international
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tourists
. Meanwhile, France was
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only
half as much as USA.
However
,
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1995 and 2005".
between 1995 to 2005
, the
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number
of
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international
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tourists
in France
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increased
dramatically
while the
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number
of
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international
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tourists
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
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increased
slowly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
USA was higher than other
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coutries
.
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But
then, in 2010, the
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number
of
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international
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tourists
in France equal to the
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
.

In contrast
, in Malaysia, Egypt, Brazil, the
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number
of
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international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
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arrivals
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increased
slightly
. In Malaysia, there were about 21
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milion
of
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international
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tourists
and that
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number
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increased
steadily
for the whole period and reached about 48
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milion
in 2010.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the last two
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coutries
Egypt and Brazil, they had the same
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number
of
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international
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tourists
in 1995, they had about 8
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milion
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international
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tourists
and their
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number
of
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international
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tourists
both
Possible spelling mistake found.
increaed
gradually
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
2010, Egypt had about 18
Possible spelling mistake found.
milion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
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tourists
, it was higher than Brazil approximately 2
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milion
.

IELTS academic the number of international tourists arrivals in five countries in the period 1995 to 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
217 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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