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the number of incidents and injuries

the number of incidents and injuries 3Lk5d
The bar chart gives information about the quantity of collisions and injuries caused by different means of transport in each 100 million passenger miles travelled in 2002. Overall, the number of incidents significantly surpassed that of injuries. Additionally, the vast majority of accidents took place on demand response purposes while the opposite was true with commuter rail. Turning to the details, there were 225 cases of incidents belonging to demand response transport, which registered the highest figure over 2002 and were 10 times higher than the slightest number from commuter rail. The same circumstances could also be seen in the figures for injuries caused in these sectors, with the former at 173 cases and the latter at 17 cases. Regarding the 3 remaining transportation types, light rail and bus recorded the identical value of 76 incidents while the heavy rail’s was marginally smaller, at 51 cases. Meanwhile, the bus caused about 66 injuries, overcoming the other 2 by around 30 cases.
The bar chart gives information about the quantity of collisions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injuries
caused by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
means of transport in each 100 million passenger miles travelled in 2002.

Overall
, the number of incidents
significantly
surpassed that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injuries
.
Additionally
, the vast majority of accidents took place on demand response purposes while the opposite was true with commuter rail.

Turning to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, there were 225 cases of incidents belonging to demand response transport, which registered the highest figure over 2002 and were 10 times higher than the slightest number from commuter rail. The same circumstances could
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the figures for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injuries
caused in these sectors, with the former at 173 cases and the latter at 17 cases.

Regarding the 3 remaining transportation types, light rail and bus recorded the identical value of 76 incidents while the heavy rail’s was
marginally
smaller, at 51 cases. Meanwhile, the bus caused about 66
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injuries
, overcoming the other 2 by around 30 cases.
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IELTS academic the number of incidents and injuries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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