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the number of consumers buying good things

the number of consumers buying good things b2rP6
The given bar chart clearly depicts information regarding the number of consumers buying good things, divides by countries, for 5 particularly good products in 2010. The mentioned products include cars, computers, books, cameras, and perfume. Overall, it can be noticeable that there are 3, 135, 000 consumers (1, 375, 000 by France and 1, 760, 000 by UK (United Kingdom henceforth) in total, most of whom (400, 000 by France and 450, 000 by UK) from cars. In further detail, it can be notice that the computers is the second most popular with 725, 000 (375, 000 by France and 350, 000 by UK. Meanwhile, although there are almost many consumers buying for the books at 710, 000 (300, 000 by France and 410, 000 by UK) as those for the cameras at 510, 000 (150, 000 by France and 360, 000 by UK). Finally, the quantity of consumers buying for the perfumes account for the lowest at only 340, 000 (200, 000 by France and 140, 000 by UK).
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart
clearly
depicts information regarding the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things, divides by countries, for 5
particularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
products in 2010. The mentioned products include cars, computers, books, cameras, and perfume.
Overall
, it can be noticeable that there are 3, 135, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
Unpaired symbol: ')' seems to be missing
(
1, 375, 000 by France and 1, 760, 000 by UK (United Kingdom henceforth) in total, most of whom (400, 000 by France and 450, 000 by UK) from cars.

In
further
detail, it can be notice that the computers is the second most popular with 725, 000
Unpaired symbol: ')' seems to be missing
(
375, 000 by France and 350, 000 by UK. Meanwhile, although there are almost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
buying for the books at 710, 000 (300, 000 by France and 410, 000 by UK) as those for the cameras at 510, 000 (150, 000 by France and 360, 000 by UK).
Finally
, the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
buying for the perfumes account for the lowest at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
340, 000 (200, 000 by France and 140, 000 by UK).
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IELTS academic the number of consumers buying good things

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
170 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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