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the number of British people who emigrated to five destinations over the period 2004 to 2007.

the number of British people who emigrated to five destinations over the period 2004 to 2007. r6de6
The bar chart illustrates the number of British people who emigrated to five destinations over the period 2004 to 2007. It is evident from the chart that throughout the period, the most popular place to move to was Australia. Emigration to Australia stood at just over 40, 000 people in 2004, which was approximately 6, 000 higher than for Spain, and twice as high as the other three countries. Apart from a jump to around 52, 000 in 2006, it remained around this level throughout the period. The next most popular country for Britons to move to was Spain, though its popularity declined over the time frame to finish at below 30, 000 in 2007. Despite this, the figure was still higher than for the remaining three countries. Approximately 20, 000 people emigrated to New Zealand each year, while the USA fluctuated between 20-25, 000 people over the period. Although the number of visitors to France spiked to nearly 35. 000 in 2005, it was the country that was the least popular to emigrate to at the end of the period, at just under 20, 000 people.
The bar chart illustrates the number of British
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people
who emigrated to five destinations
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over
the
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period
2004 to 2007. It is evident from the chart that throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
, the most popular place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to was Australia. Emigration to Australia stood at
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just
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over
40, 000
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people
in 2004, which was approximately 6, 000 higher than for Spain, and twice as high as the other three
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countries
. Apart from a jump to around 52, 000 in 2006, it remained around this level throughout the
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period
. The
next
most popular
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country
for Britons to
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move
to was Spain, though its popularity declined
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over
the time frame to finish at below 30, 000 in 2007. Despite this, the figure was
still
higher than for the remaining three
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countries
. Approximately 20, 000
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people
emigrated to New Zealand each year, while the USA fluctuated between 20-25, 000
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
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period
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
the number of visitors to France spiked to
nearly
35. 000 in 2005, it was the
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country
that was the least popular to emigrate to at the
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end
of the
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period
, at
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just
under 20, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS academic the number of British people who emigrated to five destinations over the period 2004 to 2007.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
187 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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