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The map shows the development happened between 1950 and now

The map shows the development happened between 1950 and now rKwal
Time on the horizontal axis is plotted against the amount of sales and expenses on the vertical axis. On the whole, sales witnessed a marked rise towards the end of the survey, while expenses were characterized by a marked fall. In January, expenses accounted for 7 million dollars, compared to sales, with 1 million respectively. The month of June marks the point in which expenses were overtaken by sales, which was overwhelmingly greater than the amount of the former year. The most outstanding feature can be seen in sales since June afterwards, which was most fluctuating, falling from 7 million down to 6 million dollars in August, rapidly climaxed to 7 million before once again deteriorating to around 6. 6 million after recording a plateau. And then finished at 7 million accordingly.
Time on the horizontal axis
is plotted
against the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
and expenses on the vertical axis.

On the whole
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
witnessed a marked rise towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the survey, while expenses
were characterized
by a marked fall.

In January, expenses accounted for 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
dollars, compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
, with 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
respectively
. The month of June marks the point in which expenses
were overtaken
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
, which was
overwhelmingly
greater than the amount of the former year.

The most outstanding feature can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
since June afterwards, which was most fluctuating, falling from 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
down to 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
dollars in August,
rapidly
climaxed to 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
once again deteriorating to around 6. 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
after recording a plateau. And then finished at 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
accordingly
.
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IELTS academic The map shows the development happened between 1950 and now

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
132 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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