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The majority of this answer has no relation to the task set: the first half is completely irrelevant and the second part is only marginally related to the topic. The candidate has therefore been penalised for this. There is little meaningful message, and grammatical control is weak.

Nowadays, football is the most popular game in the world. We can find manydifferent teams play this football. There are dividing into 3 division: division one, division two and division three. Each division has different skills. The skills that they have to depend on the manager. He is the one who teaches the player how to play. By playing football, there are many advantages and disadvantages. Firstly, the team can earn a lot of money. If we compare the income in division one and division two is really different. Division one will get more than division two. Because as we know, the team in division one, they show to the people that they can play better than the others. For example: David Beckham (the player of Manchester United). He can earn about £45. 000 £50. 000/week. It’s unbelievable. Even the prime minister in the UK just got for about £11O. OOO/year. Secondly, they can get a lot of spectators which makes the income increased. In one match, they can earn about 20 or 30 million pounds. Actually, it’s really high. For one ticket (VIP) it can cost us a lot of money. I think for about £100 or over. That is for one person. How if we count for a million-person? There are also many disadvantages: like from the task which says that safely releasing patriotic emotions. Actually, I don’t really agree about that: like 2 weeks or 3 weeks ago, there are 2 fans of Leeds United who got shots. And it makes them died. Many people come and give them flowers and also clothes which shown they’re sad about that. There are other sport games like tennis. Tennis is also popular. In playing tennis there are also have advantages and disadvantages. This game shows how they against each other. The advantages are that can earn a lot of money, which can attract spectators (audience). There are also have disadvantages to these games, for example, two years ago, when Monica Sales and Steffi Graph are on the match. They play against each other then, one of Steffi’s fans can’t stand anymore, he killed (shots) Monica Sales. That makes Monica Sales have to stop the game. The people are all thinking to take her to the hospital. Because of that, it makes Monica Sales stopped playing tennis for about a year. But now, she has started again. In my opinion, these sport can ease the international tensions and also can make death from year to year become increase. So, it is very dangerous.
Nowadays, football is the most popular game in the world. We can find
Possible spelling mistake found.
manydifferent
teams
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
this football. There are dividing into 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
division
:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
division
one,

division two and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
division
three. Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
division
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
depend on the manager. He is the one who teaches the player how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
. By playing football, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages and disadvantages.
Firstly
, the team can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of money. If we compare the income in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
division
one and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
division
two is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Division
one will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
division
two.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
as we know, the team in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
division
one, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
better than the others.
For example
:

David Beckham (the player of Manchester United). He can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
about £45.
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: “£000”.
000 £
50. 000/week. It’s unbelievable. Even the prime minister in the UK
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
for about £11O.
Possible spelling mistake found.
OOO
/year.
Secondly
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of spectators which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the income increased. In one match, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
about 20 or 30 million pounds. Actually, it’s
really
high. For one ticket (VIP) it can cost us a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of money. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
for about £100 or over.

That is
for one person. How if we count for a million-person? There are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many


disadvantages: like from the task which says that
safely
releasing patriotic emotions. Actually, I don’t
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
about that: like 2 weeks or 3 weeks ago, there are 2 fans of Leeds United who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
shots. And it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and give them flowers and
also
clothes which shown they’re sad about that.

There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like tennis. Tennis is
also
popular. In playing tennis there are
also
have advantages and disadvantages. This game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how they against each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. The advantages are that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of money, which can attract spectators (audience).

There are
also
have disadvantages to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
for example
, two years ago, when Monica
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sales
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Steffi
Graph are on the match. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
against each
Did you mean “other than”?
other then
, one of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Steffi
’s fans can’t stand anymore, he killed (shots) Monica
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sales
. That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
Monica
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sales
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the game. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are all thinking to take her to the hospital.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
Monica
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
playing tennis for about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, she has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
again.

In my opinion, these sport can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the international tensions and
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make


death from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
become increase.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.
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IELTS academic The majority of this answer has no relation to the task set: the first half is completely irrelevant and the second part is only marginally related to the topic. The candidate has therefore been penalised for this. There is little meaningful message, and grammatical control is weak.

Academic
  American English
7 paragraphs
423 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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