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The bar chart below shows employment figures in different tourism-related industries between 2009 and 2019.

The bar chart indicates the total employment in each kind of tourism-related industry over ten years period. Overall, the recruitment in number is significantly increased during the past ten years. The travel industry has the most noticeable change, as the number of employees in 2019 is almost twice as much as in 2009. The food industry also receives a significant development in numbers of workers from 283400 to 357700 in 2019. Besides, the sports industry acquired an equal level of growth as well, around 21 percent. Despite those industries having tremendous improvements, the industry related to business about a hotel, including other accommodation, only rise slightly. Everything seems good so far, unfortunately, the culture industry, as well as museums and galleries, seem to faintly lose its popularity. Although the expansion of employment is not flawless, the whole country will continue to blossom.
The bar chart indicates the total employment in each kind of tourism-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
over ten years period.
Overall
, the recruitment in number is
significantly
increased during the past ten years.

The travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
has the most noticeable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, as the number of employees in 2019 is almost twice as much as in 2009. The food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
also
receives a significant development in numbers of workers from 283400 to 357700 in 2019.
Besides
, the sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
acquired an equal level of growth
as well
, around 21 percent. Despite those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
having tremendous improvements, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
related to business about a hotel, including other accommodation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
rise
slightly
. Everything seems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far, unfortunately, the culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
,
as well
as museums and galleries, seem to
faintly
lose its popularity.

Although the expansion of employment is not flawless, the whole country will continue to blossom.
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IELTS academic The bar chart below shows employment figures in different tourism-related industries between 2009 and 2019.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
142 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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