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The Main Aims of Exercise and Where People Exercise

The Main Aims of Exercise and Where People Exercise m3Jaq
The bar graph and pie chart illustrate the primary goals of exercise and the venues respectively, where such exercises are performed by adults aged 20 to 50 years through a survey. Overall, the highest primary purpose for exercise by adults is on recreation whereas the lowest is on weight loss. In addition, the place with which most exercises are done is in gyms while the least is in public sports venues, playgrounds and other public places in equal measure. As for the bar graph, 40% of adults say that recreations is their main aim for exercise while a little over a tenth says weight loss is the reason why they exercise. While there are a quarter of adults whose main purpose is muscle toning, there is minor significance between 20 – to -50 – year olds who find disease prevention and mood improvement as their main goal with almost 15% and 10% respectively. The pie chart, on the other hand, shows that there are a third of adults who prefer gyms accounting to the majority of the population in comparison to those who likes parks as venues for their exercise which amounts to 20%. Parks, playground and other public places accounted for 45% of the population, at 15% each when it is distributed equally
The bar graph and pie chart illustrate the primary goals of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and the venues
respectively
, where such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
are performed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
aged 20 to 50 years through a survey.

Overall
, the highest primary purpose for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
is on recreation whereas the lowest is on weight loss.
In addition
, the place with which most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
are done
is in gyms while the least is in public sports venues, playgrounds and other public places in equal measure.

As for the bar graph, 40% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
say that recreations is their main aim for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
while a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
over a tenth says weight loss is the reason why they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. While there are a quarter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
whose main purpose is muscle toning, there is minor significance between 20
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
to -50
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
year olds who find disease prevention and mood improvement as their main goal with almost 15% and 10%
respectively
.

The pie chart,
on the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that there are a third of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
who prefer gyms accounting to the majority of the population
in comparison
to those who likes parks as venues for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
which amounts to 20%. Parks, playground and other public places accounted for 45% of the population, at 15% each when it
is distributed
equally

IELTS academic The Main Aims of Exercise and Where People Exercise

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
213 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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