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The line graphs supplied illustrate the expenditure of British parents on their offspring’s physical activities and the quantity of children taking part in distinctive sports from 2008 to 2014.

The line graphs supplied illustrate the expenditure of British parents on their offspring’s physical activities and the quantity of children taking part in distinctive sports from 2008 to 2014. ORoxy
The line graphs supplied illustrate the expenditure of British parents on their offspring’s physical activities and the quantity of children taking part in distinctive sports from 2008 to 2014. Generally, it is clear that the amount of budget spent on children’s sports saw an increase over the period shown. Additionally, the children engaging in football, athletics and swimming increased in the examined time. Looking at the first line graph, the money allocated for children participating in sports started at roughly 20 pounds in 2008. In 2014, it grew substantially to nearly 35 pounds, 15 pounds more than it used to cost in the early period. In terms of dinstinctive types of sports, football was the most popular among children in 2008, with above 7. 5 millions of them participated and far higher than that of remaining categories. Ranked second was swimming which stood at merely 2. 5 millions. By contrast, there was hardly any of teenagers spent their times on athletics in 2008. Throughout the 5-year period, there was a slight increase in footbal’s figure to nearly 10 millions, and still remained the highest among all at the end of the given period. Between 2008 and 2012, that of athletics stayed unchanged for 2 years, then slowly but steadily rose to about 2, 5 millions, which roughly equivalent to that of swimming. Susequently, the former one exceeded the later and came in second place in 2014, at 5 millions. In comparison, that of swmming winessed a marginal growth to around 5 millions in 2014.
The line graphs supplied illustrate the expenditure of British parents on their offspring’s physical activities and the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
taking part in distinctive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
from 2008 to 2014.

Generally
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the amount of budget spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an increase over the period shown.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
engaging in football, athletics and swimming increased in the examined time.

Looking at the
first
line graph, the money allocated for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at roughly
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
20 pounds
in 2008. In 2014, it grew
substantially
to
nearly
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
35 pounds
,
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
15 pounds
more than it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to cost in the early period.

In terms of
Possible spelling mistake found.
dinstinctive
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, football was the most popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in 2008, with above 7. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
of them participated and far higher than that of remaining categories. Ranked second was swimming which stood at
merely
2. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
. By contrast, there was hardly any of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
spent their times on athletics in 2008.

Throughout the 5-year period, there was a slight increase in
Possible spelling mistake found.
footbal
’s figure to
nearly
10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
, and
still
remained the highest among all at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period. Between 2008 and 2012, that of athletics stayed unchanged for 2 years, then
slowly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
steadily
rose to about 2, 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
, which roughly equivalent to that of swimming.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Susequently
, the former one exceeded the
Did you mean "latter" (=the second of two items)?
later
and came in second place in 2014, at 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
.
In comparison
, that of
Possible spelling mistake found.
swmming
Possible spelling mistake found.
winessed
a marginal growth to around 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
in 2014.
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IELTS academic The line graphs supplied illustrate the expenditure of British parents on their offspring’s physical activities and the quantity of children taking part in distinctive sports from 2008 to 2014.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
254 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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