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The line graphs show the average monthly amount spent on children's sports and the number of children participated in various sports activities from 2008 to 2014

The line graphs show the average monthly amount spent on children's sports and the number of children participated in various sports activities from 2008 to 2014 kbBgK
The line graphs compare the average expenditure of pounds on children’s sports as well as the number of children enroll in three various sports such as: football, athletics and swimming between years 2008 to 2014. Overall, it is clearly seen that spending money on children’s sports increased throughout of period. Though participation in athletics sports had least amount of number in the beginning, it rose throughout of period, surpassing the swimming sports in the end of the period. To begin with, expand of pounds on children’s sports was 20 pound in 2008. After this, it increased rapidly throughout of period and reach around 32 pound at the end of period. Talking about participation in three different sports. Football had highest number of enroll children more than 7. 5 millions in 2008 and 2014. Athletics sports had 1 million participation children; however, swimming sports had nearly 2. 5 millions in 2008. After that, in beteen 2010 and 2012 both the sports had same numbers of participated children to 2. 5 million. Surprisingly, athletics sport surpassed the number of children who take part into swimming and reached around 5 millions, later sports approximately 3 millions respectively.
The line graphs compare the average expenditure of pounds on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as well
as the
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enroll in three various
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sports
such as: football, athletics and swimming between years 2008 to 2014.

Overall
, it is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that spending money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
increased throughout of period. Though participation in athletics
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sports
had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
amount of
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number
in the beginning, it rose throughout of period, surpassing the swimming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, expand of pounds on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
was
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
20 pound
in 2008. After this, it increased
rapidly
throughout of period and reach around
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
32 pound
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of period.

Talking about participation in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Football had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of enroll
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children
more than 7. 5
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millions
in 2008 and 2014. Athletics
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sports
had 1
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million
participation
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children
;
however
, swimming
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sports
had
nearly
2. 5
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millions
in 2008. After that, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
beteen
2010 and 2012 both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
had same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of participated
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children
to 2. 5
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million
.
Surprisingly
, athletics
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sport
surpassed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
into swimming and reached around 5
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millions
, later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
approximately 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The line graphs show the average monthly amount spent on children's sports and the number of children participated in various sports activities from 2008 to 2014

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
194 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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