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The line graph shows the rates of participation in three different activities in a UK sports club

The line graph shows the rates of participation in three different activities in a UK sports club bE8YY
The given graph depicts the proportion data of participants in three varied sporty activities in a United Kingdom club started from 1995 to 2015. To sum up, from 1995 to 2000, swimming members dominated the largest rate in all three but then dropped significantly until 2015. Following that is team sport and gym activities which had little proportion from the start, however in the next 15 years both activities rose steadily. In the first five years, the number of participants in swimming was by far the highest in the three exercises which reached the rate at 50%. However, from 2000 to 2015 swimming members saw a remarkable decline to 15% in request of joiners. In contrast, both team sports and gym activities which took a lower percentage of members in the beginning at about 32% and only 5%, respectively. Surprisingly, during the next 15 years, team sports gradually jumped up to be the exercise with the highest rate at 40% in particular. Gym activities repeated at a familiar upward trend with the upon sport then maintain stable.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
graph depicts the proportion data of participants in three varied sporty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in a United Kingdom club
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from 1995 to 2015.

To sum up, from 1995 to 2000, swimming members dominated the largest rate in all three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then dropped
significantly
until 2015. Following
that is
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and gym
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
proportion from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
,
however
in the
next
15 years both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
rose
steadily
.

In the
first
five years, the number of participants in swimming was by far the highest in the three exercises which reached the rate at 50%.
However
, from 2000 to 2015 swimming members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a remarkable decline to 15% in request of joiners.

In contrast
, both team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and gym
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which took a lower percentage of members in the beginning at about 32% and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5%,
respectively
.
Surprisingly
, during the
next
15 years, team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
gradually
jumped up to be the exercise with the highest rate at 40%
in particular
. Gym
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
repeated at a familiar upward trend with the upon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
then maintain stable.
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IELTS academic The line graph shows the rates of participation in three different activities in a UK sports club

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
177 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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