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Bar chart and line graph , main trends

Bar chart and line graph, main trends lWmj9
The two charts below display figures regarding Olympics participants from 1924 to 2012. The bar chart illustrates the numbers of men and women entering the games, whereas the line graph shows the number of participants. Looking from an overall perspective it is readily apparent that, until 2012, there were significantly more man entering the games than women. In 1924 and 1952, there were hardly any woman participating the Games, yet in 1952 there were over four thousand participants. In 2012, however, the number of women athletes rose significantly to nearly five thousand, only approximately thousand lower than male participants. As it can be seen even the line graph shows a similar trend, with the numbers of participants increasing throughout the century. Initially the number of athletes participating in the Games were below 4000, however, it increased moderately till 1984. The most significant increase occurred between 1984 and 2012, where the numbers of athlete's soar rapidly from 6000 to over 10000 in 2012.
The two charts below display figures regarding Olympics participants from 1924 to 2012. The bar chart illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women entering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, whereas the line graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of participants.

Looking from an
overall
perspective it is
readily
apparent that, until 2012, there were
significantly
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
entering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
than women. In 1924 and 1952, there were hardly any woman participating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
,
yet
in 1952 there were over four thousand participants. In 2012,
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of women athletes rose
significantly
to
nearly
five thousand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
approximately
Use "a thousand" or use a number before 'thousand'.
thousand
lower than male participants.

As it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
even the line graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a similar trend, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of participants increasing throughout the century.
Initially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of athletes participating in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
were below 4000,
however
, it increased
moderately
till 1984. The most significant increase occurred between 1984 and 2012, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of athlete's soar
rapidly
from 6000 to over 10000 in 2012.
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IELTS academic Bar chart and line graph, main trends

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
162 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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