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The line graph shows the average life expectancy of males and females at birth in Australia from 1884 to 2009.

The line graph shows the average life expectancy of males and females at birth in Australia from 1884 to 2009. k6bGe
The line graph illustrates information regart the average life expectancy of man and women at birth between 1884 and 2009 in Australia. To commence, with regards male, initially it started from 50, afterthat the life expectancy of the males increased rapidly till 1959, it was 75 in reaspective year. Whereas, it showed somewhat decline from 1959 to 1981. in 2009, it reached its peak about 85 in the final year. Moving further, as regard females, the birth rate followed increasing continuously till 1959, thereafter, there was showed minor downfall about 2 from 1959 to 1984. The life expectancy of females recorded 80 in 2009. To conclude, there was a tremendous increase can be seen in both cases, while, the birth rate of males were as much more that of females.
The line graph illustrates information
Possible spelling mistake found.
regart
the average life expectancy of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
and women at birth between 1884 and 2009 in Australia. To commence, with regards male,
initially
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from 50,
Possible spelling mistake found.
afterthat
the life expectancy of the males increased
rapidly
till 1959, it was 75 in
Possible spelling mistake found.
reaspective
year.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
somewhat decline from 1959 to 1981.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
2009, it reached its peak about 85 in the final year. Moving
further
, as regard females, the birth rate followed increasing
continuously
till 1959, thereafter, there was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
minor downfall about 2 from 1959 to 1984. The life expectancy of females recorded 80 in 2009.
To conclude
, there was a tremendous increase can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in both cases, while, the birth rate of males were as much more that of females.
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IELTS academic The line graph shows the average life expectancy of males and females at birth in Australia from 1884 to 2009.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
130 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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