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The line graph show the number of men and women and women smoker per 1000 people.

The line graph show the number of men and women and women smoker per 1000 people. eAaKp
The presented line graph illustrates the number of both gender per 1000, who prefer to smoke between 1960 and 2000, in the Bhutan. Analyzing the detai of 1960 to 1965, the gigantic diffrence wa noticed in the number of men and women. The number of women increased gradually from 30 to 500; however, men increased 500 to 580. For the next decade, a meager dropp was observed to 500 in 1980 of women, whereas men had gained momentum to reach their all time high over the 300. , but at the end of the year slightly plunged to 350. For the rest of the 20 years, the numbers had followed the same pattern. There was a moderate decline in the number of male and women, they accounted 400 and 200 respectively. similarly, at the end of the year both reached to the rock bottom, male had 180 and women had 250. Overall, it can be vividly seen that men's preference fir smoking declined slowly during the period; however, male prefer to smoke more than yesteryear.
The presented line graph illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of both gender per 1000, who prefer to smoke between 1960 and 2000, in the Bhutan. Analyzing the
Possible spelling mistake found.
detai
of 1960 to 1965, the gigantic
Possible spelling mistake found.
diffrence
Possible spelling mistake found.
wa
noticed in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
increased
gradually
from 30 to 500;
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
increased 500 to 580. For the
next
decade, a meager
Possible spelling mistake found.
dropp
was observed
to 500 in 1980 of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
had gained momentum to reach their
It appears that a hyphen is missing in the adjective "all-time"
all time
high over the 300.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the year
slightly
plunged to 350. For the rest of the 20 years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
had followed the same pattern. There was a moderate decline in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, they accounted 400 and 200
respectively
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
similarly
, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the year both reached to the rock bottom, male had 180 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
had 250.
Overall
, it can be
vividly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's preference fir smoking declined
slowly
during the period;
however
, male prefer to smoke more than yesteryear.

IELTS academic The line graph show the number of men and women and women smoker per 1000 people.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
175 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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