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The line graph regarding water consumption of world and two countries in 1990 and 2000

The line graph regarding water consumption of world and two countries in 1990 and 2000 WmNpN
The line graph elucidates data on the changes in the amount of water utilised by three different sectors between 1900 and 2000 and the table illustrates consumption rate of water in Brazil and DRC in the year 2000. At a cursory glance, it is clear that there was an upward trend in the water utilisation in the given period of time. While the highest amount of water was utilized by agriculture, the domestic consumption was the least. When comparing the given nations, water usage was directly proportionate to the size and the number of citizens. In 1900, agriculture industry’s water usage was approximately 500km2, which increased remarkably throughout the timeframe rising to almost six times more than the initial figure after ten years of time. Regarding both industrial and domestic area witnessed a dramatic growth since both the areas started at a negligible amount in 1900 and maintained a similar growth rate until 1940. However, after a century ago the former and the latter reached to roughly 1000 km and 400km respectively. With regards Brazil and DRC, when brazil utilised 359m2 water, DRC had only 8m2. The population of former was 176 million, and the latter was just 5. 2 million.
The line graph elucidates data on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
by three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors between 1900 and 2000 and the table illustrates consumption rate of
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water
in Brazil and DRC in the year 2000.

At a cursory glance, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there was an upward trend in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period of time. While the highest amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
was
Do not mix variants of the same word ('utilize' and 'utilise') within a single text.
utilized
by agriculture, the domestic consumption was the least. When comparing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
nations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
usage was
directly
proportionate to the size and the number of citizens.

In 1900, agriculture industry’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
usage was approximately 500km2, which increased
remarkably
throughout the timeframe rising to almost six times more than the initial figure after ten years of time. Regarding both industrial and domestic area witnessed a dramatic growth since both the areas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at a negligible amount in 1900 and maintained a similar growth rate until 1940.
However
, after a century ago the former and the latter reached to roughly 1000 km and
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "400 km"
400km
respectively
.

With regards Brazil and DRC, when
Possible spelling mistake found.
brazil
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
359m2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, DRC had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
8m2. The population of former was 176 million, and the latter was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
5. 2 million.

IELTS academic The line graph regarding water consumption of world and two countries in 1990 and 2000

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
201 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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