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the line graph of the gold sale in Dubai

the line graph of the gold sale in Dubai QR8OL
The line graph illustrates the revenue of gold in Dubai during the period of 2002. From the time shown, it is depicted from the graph given that the figure of gold sales noticeably fluctuated. Nevertheless, the last month was remained stable compared to the initial year. Regarding the first month of the year, there was a considerable increased from 200 units to 350 units in the sale of gold in March. Then, over the next 4 months, the figure experienced a significant dipped by nearly 220 units in July. In the second half of the year, the gold revenue witnessed an upward trend. In detail, it was become turbulent within a vicinity of 150 before reaching approximately 200 units. From that time onward, the sale of gold was marginal and seem to stay constant in the last quarter ò the year.
The line graph illustrates the revenue of gold in Dubai during the period of 2002.

From the time shown, it
is depicted
from the graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that the figure of gold sales
noticeably
fluctuated.
Nevertheless
, the last month
was remained
stable compared to the initial year.

Regarding the
first
month of the year, there was a considerable increased from 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
to 350
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
in the sale of gold in March. Then, over the
next
4 months, the figure experienced a significant dipped by
nearly
220
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
in July.

In the second half of the year, the gold revenue witnessed an upward trend. In detail, it
was become
turbulent within a vicinity of 150
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching approximately 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
. From that time onward, the sale of gold was marginal and seem to stay constant in the last quarter ò the year.
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IELTS academic the line graph of the gold sale in Dubai

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
141 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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