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The line graph illustrates the unemployment rate in Australia, in the year 2012.

The line graph illustrates the unemployment rate in Australia, in the year 2012. L638
The line graph illustrates the unemployment rate in Australia, in the year 2012. In general, the unemployment rate is particularly higher in rural areas, compared to urban areas. In the first quarter, 6% where unemployed in rural regimen, 2% in urban regimen. However, the number deteriorated eventually to well below 5% by the end of second quarter. Whereas, in urban areas the number gradually upscale to 4% by mid-second quarter. However, this number decreased then after to 2% by 3rd quarter, then again the graph took a sharp inclination to about 4% by the end of 3rd quarter, at the end of the year it stood at 5% of unemployment rate in urban areas. Furthermore, in the rural areas, the unemployment rate reached well above 5% by third quarter, remained fairly the same thorough the year then after. By the end of the year the number of unemployed both rural and urban where almost the same around 5%.
The line graph illustrates the
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unemployment
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rate
in Australia, in the
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year
2012.

In general
, the
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unemployment
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rate
is
particularly
higher in
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rural
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areas
, compared to
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urban
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areas
. In the
first
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quarter
, 6% where unemployed in
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rural
regimen, 2% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
regimen.
However
, the
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number
deteriorated
eventually
to well below 5% by the
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end
of second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, in
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urban
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areas
the
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number
gradually
upscale to 4% by mid-second
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quarter
.
However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
decreased then after to 2% by 3rd
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quarter
, then again the graph took a sharp inclination to about 4% by the
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end
of 3rd
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quarter
, at the
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end
of the
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year
it stood at 5% of
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unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in
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urban
areas.

Furthermore
, in the
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rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, the
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unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
reached well above 5% by third
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quarter
, remained
fairly
the same thorough the
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year
then after. By the
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end
of the
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year
the
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number
of unemployed both
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rural
and
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urban
where almost the same around 5%.

IELTS academic The line graph illustrates the unemployment rate in Australia, in the year 2012.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
158 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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