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The line graph illustrates the proportions of women elected to the parliaments in five different European countries including Germany, the UK, Belgium, France and Italy between 2000 and 2012.

The line graph illustrates the proportions of women elected to the parliaments in five different European countries including Germany, the UK, Belgium, France and Italy between 2000 and 2012. nR9yK
Over the period shown, all the five European nations mentioned experienced upward trends in their percentages of female members of parliaments (MPs). While the percentage of female MPs in Germany was by far highest overall, the figure for France was lowest in each year shown. In 2000, Germany had the highest percentage of female MPs, at around 33%, followed by the UK, Belgium and Italy having approximately 27%, 25% and 22% respectively. The figure for France was nearly one seventh of that for Germany, at merely 5%. Between 2000 and 2010, the figure for Germany increased slowly, WHILE that of the UK saw a significant rise. In 2010, the UK overtook Germany as the country having the highest percentage of female MPs among five nations mentioned in the graph. Over the given period, Belgium and Italy witnessed a steady rise in the percentage of female MPs. By 2012, the figures for these two countries had increased by 7% and 3% respectively. From 2000 to 2008, the figure for France increased fourfold/quadrupled. Over the rest of the period shown, the proportion of women elected to the parliament in France remained relatively stable, at around 20%.
Over the period shown, all the five European nations mentioned experienced upward trends in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
members of parliaments (MPs). While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
MPs in Germany was by far
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for France was lowest in each year shown.

In 2000, Germany had the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
MPs, at around 33%, followed by the UK, Belgium and Italy having approximately 27%, 25% and 22%
respectively
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for France was
nearly
one seventh of that for Germany, at
merely
5%. Between 2000 and 2010, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for Germany increased
slowly
, WHILE that of the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a significant rise. In 2010, the UK overtook Germany as the country having the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
MPs among five nations mentioned in the graph. Over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period, Belgium and Italy witnessed a steady rise in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
MPs. By 2012, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
for these two countries had increased by 7% and 3%
respectively
. From 2000 to 2008, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for France increased fourfold/quadrupled. Over the rest of the period shown, the proportion of women elected to the parliament in France remained
relatively
stable, at around 20%.
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IELTS academic The line graph illustrates the proportions of women elected to the parliaments in five different European countries including Germany, the UK, Belgium, France and Italy between 2000 and 2012.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
194 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 6.5
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