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The line graph had been presenting free time activities of the elderly in Europe from 1980 until present.

The line graph had been presenting free time activities of the elderly in Europe from 1980 until present. The result was showing that mostly activities are increasing except theatre which decreasing. From 1980s playing sport was the most popular activity and slowly rising until 2000s after that it had small decreasing. However, Playing sport still gain a lot of popularity compare to another. Next, theatre activity which starts at 50 percent was sharply decreasing from 1980s to 1990s then slighting increasing back to 42 percent in 2010s. Third activity was reading. The reading is started at 30 percent in 1980s then popularities fluctuate in 1990s to 2000s. After 2000s reading activity is jump rapidly to 60 percent in 2010s. The next one is hiking activity which constantly increasing from 20 percent to 80 percent in 2010s. Lastly, is surfing the internet is gradually increasing until 2000s then significantly increasing to 50 percent in 2010s. In conclusion, the free time activities of elderly in Europe since 1980s to 2010s mostly increasing despite theatre. In 2010s the popular activities is hiking, playing sport, reading, surfing the internet and theatre respectively.
The line graph had been presenting free time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of the elderly in Europe from 1980 until present. The result was showing that
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
except
Possible spelling mistake. ‘theatre’ is British English.
theatre
which decreasing.

From 1980s playing sport was the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and
slowly
rising until 2000s after that it had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
decreasing.
However
, Playing sport
still
gain
Possible agreement error. The noun compare seems to be countable; consider using: “a lot of popularity compares”.
a lot of popularity compare
to another.
Next
,
Possible spelling mistake. ‘theatre’ is British English.
theatre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
at 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
was
sharply
decreasing from 1980s to 1990s then slighting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
back to 42
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
The article is probably missing here: “in the 2010s”.
in 2010s
. Third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
The article is probably missing here: “in the 1980s”.
in 1980s
then
Possible spelling mistake found.
popularities
fluctuate
The article is probably missing here: “in the 1990s”.
in 1990s
to 2000s.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
2000s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is jump
rapidly
to 60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
The article is probably missing here: “in the 2010s”.
in 2010s
. The
next
one is hiking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
which
constantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
from 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
to 80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
The article is probably missing here: “in the 2010s”.
in 2010s
.
Lastly
, is surfing the internet is
gradually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
until 2000s then
significantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
to 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
The article is probably missing here: “in the 2010s”.
in 2010s
.

In conclusion
, the free time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of elderly in Europe since 1980s to 2010s
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
despite
Possible spelling mistake. ‘theatre’ is British English.
theatre
.
The article is probably missing here: “In the 2010s”.
In 2010s
the popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is hiking, playing sport,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
, surfing the internet and
Possible spelling mistake. ‘theatre’ is British English.
theatre
respectively
.

IELTS academic The line graph had been presenting free time activities of the elderly in Europe from 1980 until present.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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