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The line graph gives information on cinema attendance in the UK.

The line graph gives information on cinema attendance in the UK. Je3w
The line graph illustrates the percentage of different age group like to watch movies in cinema in United kingdom from 1990 to 2010. As can be seen, age group of 34 - 44 and 44- 54 given equal attendance in cinema around 35 percent in very first year then this ration was increased and reach up to 40 percent in year 1995. In the year 2000 this proportion was decreased and stood at nearly 30 percent then this ration significantly rose and reached at above 50 percent in year 2010. On the other hand, age group of 14 to 24 were less interesting to watch movies in cinema as their attendance only 15 percent in 1990. However this ration was unchanged in the year 1995 to 2000, in 2000 this percentage little bit decreased and then rise up and reached at 22 percent in the year 2010. 22 percent of people age 24 to 34 love to watch cinema in theater this proportion was increased steadily in 1995 to 2005 and in the last year this ration stood at 34%. Overall, it is clear that age group of 44 to 54 were more like to watch different movies in theaters as their attendance was the highest. all the age group of people increased their present in cinema year by year
The line graph illustrates the percentage of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
like to
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watch
movies in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
in
The proper noun "United Kingdom" needs to be capitalized.
United kingdom
from 1990 to 2010. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
34 - 44
and
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
44- 54
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal attendance in
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cinema
around 35
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percent
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
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year
then this
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ration
was increased
and reach up to 40
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percent
in
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year
1995. In the
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year
2000 this proportion
was decreased
and stood at
nearly
30
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percent
then this
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ration
significantly
rose and reached at above 50
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percent
in
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year
2010.
On the other hand
,
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 14 to 24 were less interesting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
movies in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
as their attendance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15
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percent
in 1990.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
this
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ration
was unchanged
in the
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year
1995 to 2000, in 2000 this percentage
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
decreased and then rise up and reached at 22
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percent
in the
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year
2010. 22
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percent
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
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age
24 to 34
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
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watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
in theater this proportion
was increased
steadily
in 1995 to 2005 and in the last
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year
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ration
stood at 34%.
Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 44 to 54 were more like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
movies in theaters as their attendance was the highest.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
all
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
increased their present in
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cinema
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
by
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
year
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IELTS academic The line graph gives information on cinema attendance in the UK.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
219 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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