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bar chart summery compare and giver opinion

bar chart summery compare and giver opinion d3Bxr
The given bar chart compares hot desert weather of grasslands in two different year; 1980 and 2000. Overall, it can be evicted from the graphs that in 1980, July and august has lower value than other months. Whereas, in 2000, July, august and November has highest hot climate weather. However, it is fact that over 20 year of period overall temperature drop down. According to bar graph, in 1980, in march there has hottest climate in grassland which is approximately 325mm. Following to this weather dramatically drop until July. Then it rose steadily till December. Furthermore, January and February shares almost same weather which is nearly 250mm. In 2000 there is no particular trend it was fluctuated in the whole year. Moreover, July, august and November hits the highest hot climate which is 53mm. Also, January, may, June and October shares the same temperature (51 mm). On contrary, February, march and April has lowest temperature. At last, in September and December climate is moderate.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart compares hot desert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weather
of grasslands in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
year; 1980 and 2000.

Overall
, it can
be evicted
from the graphs that in 1980, July and august has lower value than other months. Whereas, in 2000, July, august and November has
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weather
.
However
, it is fact that over 20 year of period
overall
temperature
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "drop".
drop down
.

According to bar graph, in 1980, in
The month "March" needs to be capitalized.
march
there has
A determiner is probably missing here: "the hottest".
hottest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
in grassland which is approximately
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "325 mm"
325mm
. Following to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weather
dramatically
drop until July. Then it rose
steadily
till December.
Furthermore
, January and February shares almost same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weather
which is
nearly
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "250 mm"
250mm
.

In 2000 there is no particular trend it
was fluctuated
in the whole year.
Moreover
, July, august and November hits the highest hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
which is
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "53 mm"
53mm
.
Also
, January, may, June and October shares the same temperature (51 mm). On contrary, February, march and April has
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
temperature. At last, in September and December
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
is moderate.
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IELTS academic bar chart summery compare and giver opinion

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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