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The line graph compares the number of gym memberships between 2 genders in the period from 1980 to 2010.

The line graph compares the number of gym memberships between 2 genders in the period from 1980 to 2010. PLWnp
The line graph compares the number of gym memberships between 2 genders in the period from 1980 to 2010. Overall, despite fluctuations in both men and women, the number of female had a durable increase during whole period. The number of male members started just over 2000. After that it rised significantly over the next five years with nearly 4000 before falling down and remained stable over the period of five years after 1994. 2000 was considered as a remarkable point when it reached the peak of approximate 5000 members before plummeting dramatically at around 500 in the last year. Meanwhile female members began at just half of men. It doubled by 1984 and got the highest number at 3000 in 1995. Evidently, it finished the period with a figure of 2000 doubled men memberships.
The line graph compares the
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number
of gym memberships between 2 genders in the period from 1980 to 2010.

Overall
, despite fluctuations in both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of female had a durable increase during whole period.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 2000. After that it
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "rose", the past tense form of the verb 'rise'?
rised
significantly
over the
next
five years with
nearly
4000
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
falling down and remained stable over the period of five years after 1994. 2000
was considered
as a remarkable point when it reached the peak of approximate 5000 members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
plummeting
dramatically
at around 500 in the last year.
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Meanwhile
female members began at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
half of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. It doubled by 1984 and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the highest
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number
at 3000 in 1995.
Evidently
, it finished the period with a figure of 2000 doubled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
memberships.
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IELTS academic The line graph compares the number of gym memberships between 2 genders in the period from 1980 to 2010.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
135 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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