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the line graph below shows the rate of unemployment in USA and Japan between 2005 and 2011

the line graph below shows the rate of unemployment in USA and Japan between 2005 and 2011 DoEw6
The line graph illustrates the rate of unemployment in the countries USA and Japan over a period of six years: 2005 to 2011. Overall, it can be observed that the unemployment rates of the USA follow a downward trend; whilst, on the other hand, an upward trend is witnessed in Japan. After a certain period of time, the percentage of unemployed people in both the countries become fairly analogous. Starting with an unemployment rate value of approximately 7. 0 in USA, the graph depicts the rate to have decreased with frantic fluctuation over the next three years; conversely, the unemployment rate slowly fluctuates towards an increase, beginning from a mere value of about 2. 5. Following the random rise and fall in the rates for Japan and USA respectively till the year 2010, the values first intersect just after the march of 2010 at a figure just above 5. 0 and again at 5. 0− ultimately resulting in the unemployment rate of about 4. 9 and 5. 1 for Japan and USA sequentially. Fuck you.
The line graph illustrates the
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rate
of
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unemployment
in the countries USA and
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Japan
over a period of six years: 2005 to 2011.

Overall
, it can
be observed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of the USA follow a downward trend; whilst,
on the other hand
, an upward trend
is witnessed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
. After a certain period of time, the percentage of unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in both the countries become
fairly
analogous.

Starting with an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
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rate
value of approximately 7. 0
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
, the graph depicts the
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rate
to have decreased with frantic fluctuation over the
next
three years;
conversely
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
slowly
fluctuates towards an increase, beginning from a mere value of about 2. 5.

Following the random rise and fall in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
and USA
respectively
till the year 2010, the values
first
intersect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
after the
When specifying a month and year, 'of' is unnecessary: "march 2010".
march of 2010
at a figure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 5. 0 and again at 5. 0−
ultimately
resulting in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of about 4. 9 and 5. 1 for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
and USA
sequentially
.
This word is considered offensive.
Fuck
you.
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IELTS academic the line graph below shows the rate of unemployment in USA and Japan between 2005 and 2011

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
175 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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